Would You Like Some Tea? (SDGP version)

>Would You Like Some Tea?

[SD-Justy] "Yes, please... Earl Grey... hot."
{SD-Frank} "Nope, I'm a coffee man, but that's ok. Thanks for the offer, though. It's not every day you have titles offering you drinks. ^_^ Polite, ne? I like it."

>I don't own any of these characters so don't sue me you would just have to stand in line anyway.

{SD-Frank} "Like for OJ? Man, that guy's got it rough."
[SD-Justy] "Why bracers? Brackets are much easier, no shift key involved.
{SD-Frank}: "So I wanna be different. ^_^"

>think they are owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Shogakukan and Viz I'm not sure. I don't make any money off this honest, after all who would pay money for this.

{SD-Frank} "I think I've probably spent over 600 dollars on Ranma stuff.. -_-.."

>Ranma1/2 Would you like some tea? I'll be the one to inherit II

[SD-Justy] "Can I inherit something too!"

>Chapter1

>"Wahhhhhh my Kasumi is getting married? My baby girl is getting married!!!!" wailed Soun Tendo. "Well Pop is he happy or sad? I can't figure it out." Ranma rubbed his head slowly getting a slight headache.

{SD-Frank}: "Don't strain your brain. It's got enough head trauma as it is."
[SD-Justy]: "Oooo... a colon now too... fancy."

>"Hard to say boy, but my guess is that he is a little of both." replied Genma Saotome. "Well what I'm worried about is if Kasumi gets married and Nabiki leaves for college next week

[SD-Justy] "WHAT!! no Nabs... man... -_- "
{SD-Frank}: *marking his clipboard* "That's one strike already...unless we have to be, like, impartial or something..^_^;;;"

>who is going to cook for us?" asked Ranma not paying attention to who was entering and leaving the room as usual.

{SD-Frank}: Maybe if he grew a third eye or something he'd be able to see who was coming and going...

>"Ranma you idiot. Are you inferring that I can't cook?" Akane steamed preparing her ever present mallet. "Did I say that? Did you even here me say your name? I just meant that with school and everything you won't have time to cook and with Nabiki gone and Kasumi...." Ranma knew he was babbling

{SD-Frank}: "Like a babbling brook? The singing sword? ^_^"
[SD-Justy]: "That was from 3 Amigos right?"
{SD-Frank}: "Actually, I had in mind an old Muppet Babies episode...don't ask me where that came from, but I knew there was a Singing Sword in it.. ^_^;"

>but he was praying she wouldn't hit him again today.
"Oh if that's what your worried about don't be I've got it all planned out. Listen to this: 5:00 I'll start breakfast and make lunch for Dad and Mr. Saotome and put it in the fridge for them then after I finish my homework in the afternoon after school I will cook dinner and it will be done by 6:00. See no problem." Akane went happily out of the room.

{SD-Frank}: "Whoa, run that by me again..that looked like it went by at warp speed..O_o"
[SD-Justy] *piku*

>"Well Pop I don't know about you but I think it is time for another training trip." said Ranma already packed and ready.
Genma thought how did he do that, I bet he learned that technique from Ryoga.

{SD-Frank}: "It's the Hibiki Secret Technique! Kind of like the Saotome Secret Technique, only more practical...and with my special videotape, you'll be packing bags faster than..*babbling on*"
[SD-Justy] *flicks a Good-N-Fruity at {SD-Frank}* "Shut up..."

>"Son I agree lets go."
They were almost out the door when Soun grabbed both of them. "Oh no you don't, Kasumi is getting married. Nabiki is leaving for college,

[SD-Justy] "Quit reminding me!"
{SD-Frank}: "Wahhhhhh!"

>and there is no way that I'm going to suffer Akane's cooking alone."
"How come you say stuff like that and get away with it but if I do she tries to kill me?"
"Anything goes martial arts school of insults. Step 1. Never say anything while they are in earshot."
"So that's where I keep messing up huh?"

{SD-Frank}: "Yeah, that and Step #2 - Tact."

>For the next few days everybody hustled getting ready for Kasumi's wedding to Dr. Tofu.

{SD-Frank}: "Only hustled? Where's the bustle? You can't have hustle without bustle!"
[SD-Justy]: "Did you know that Doc Tofu used to "do the hustle" back in the 70's?"
{SD-Frank}: "Cool, I bet he had the big afro and everything!"

> Of course the catering had to be attended to. And the floral arrangements, not to mention the dresses. Before you knew it the happy day was here and the good doctor and Kasumi were wed and out of the house.

{SD-Frank}: "Gosh, that was fast. Maybe they didn't want to pay property damages for Tofu's antics during the ceremony..were you there, Justy?"
[SD-Justy]: "Any good paparazzi would be... wanna buy some pics?"
{SD-Frank}: "Cripes, I still have to get paid this week..so nope..^_^"

>It didn't take long for the true horror of the situation to show itself. On a good day the food was mearly toxic.

[SD-Justy]: True horror never does take long to appear".

>On a bad day the food actually decided that the concept "I think therefore I am." applyed to itself and decided it wished to invade a small country to rule for itself.

{SD-Frank}: "Hah! I knew Saddam Hussein had to come from _somewhere_...."
[SD-Justy]: "Hey... Will ya all quit dissin the food. There are those that would defend it...however, they're all in the hospital."

>Of course everyone denied any accountability. Akane maintained that it couldn't do any worse then the other rulers.

{SD-Frank}: "Yeah, at least food can't be accused of sexual harassment..."

>Akane swore that she followed the recipe books exactly. Somehow though it never quite worked out. Finally even Akane had to admit that there was indeed a problem after one of her culinary delights got "fresh" with her and asked for a date.

{SD-Frank}: "If I say anything here about where that food is now and what it's doing, the men with the black suits might come and take me away...^_^;;"
[SD-Justy] *singing* "Cooking school dropout..."

>Everyone also looked much thinner, even Ranma who usually mooched food elsewhere. "Saotome I can't take it anymore I need something edible." wailed Soun.

{SD-Frank}: "Looks like all Soun is doing in this fic is wailing...gotta be tough on the vocal cords, y'know.."
[SD-Justy]: "Its the Tenchi Misaki School of Acting."

>"I agree Tendo, drastic time calls for drastic measures. There is only one person in this house that can cook and I'm afraid that no matter how unmanly it is I must ask him to make the supreme sacrifice. RANMA Come here my boy your father needs to talk to you."

{SD-Frank}: "You know it's bad when the main character's name is typed all in caps.."
[SD-Justy] *arms crossed - agreeing* "Mmmmmmm...."

>"Yo Pop what's up"

[SD-Justy]: "Yo Pop, what it be?"

>"I want you to think of this as more training and know that your sacrifice does not go unoticed. But it is time for you to take the mantel of the apron and go into the kitchen and cook your father some food."
"Ahem?"
"And also Mr. Tendo some too."

{SD-Frank}: *waving hand* "Me three! Me three! And not just because I want to see Onna-Ranma in an apron..^_^"

>"What? that don't even begin to make sense the mantel of the apron? Come on Pop what's going on you can't be serious."
"Ranma " Genma grabbed Ranma's shirt and got in his face "Son I haven't weighied this much in years. I need food and I need it now. I don't care if it is unmanly to be in the kitchen or not. Besides I've been told that some of the best chefs in the world are men

[SD-Justy]: "Woohoo... Chef Boyardee!"
{SD-Frank}: "Obviously he hasn't seen some of the guys at my college cook...-_-;;"

> now haul your butt in there and cook us some food now!!!" "Alright Alright Already "

>Yes the food was good and yes after a few weeks everybody had gained their weight back and everybody was happy. That is everybody but Ranma. Even Akane was happy to turn the cooking to Ranma because even though she would never admit it she preferred smashing bricks and training to cooking.

[SD-Justy]: "Wow...Akane took that rather well."
{SD-Frank}: "Really? I didn't think that was how it went on Akane's Top Ten List of Things She Likes to Do..."

>Ranma was not happy because along with cooking he had also slowly inherited all of Kasumi's other chores including cleaning and laundry and shopping. Ranma was falling quickly into depression.

{SD-Frank}: *Tarou mode* "Fem-boy, you wuss!"

>He didn't realize many women around the world felt the same way. The OH WHAT'S THE USE NO ONE DOES ANYTHING TO HELP ME AND IF I CLEAN IT IT WILL ONLY BE MESSED UP AGAIN IN AN HOUR syndrome. It starts slowly but quickly builds.

[SD-Justy]: "The preceeding message was brought to you by the Housekeepers Union."
{SD-Frank}: "Wow. Can't you tell the author's a mom? ^_^;;"

>Then one day Kasumi stopped by.

{SD-Frank}: *singing* "Haaaal-lelu-jahhh!"
[SD-Justy]: *cheers*

>One of the first things everyone noticed was that she no longer held her hair in a ponytail and that she was wearing pants.

{SD-Frank}: "At least she didn't stop by _without_ wearing pants..O_o"
[SD-Justy]: "Then she'd be just a floating torso. Everybody knows that Kasumi doesn't have any legs."
{SD-Frank}: "So _that's_ the real reason she wore those long skirts..."

>She had great news she had returned to college and was studying biology. She looked around, the place was in better condition than she thought it would be. "Well father I see Akane is doing well in the role as homemaker."
Soun blushed at that point and looked away.
"Father what is wrong?"
"Ranma is the one in the role of homemaker we sort of gave him no choice after a few weeks."

{SD-Frank}: *playing on the organ - specifically, playing that tune that gets played every time someone finds out something profound, shocking, etc...*
[SD-Justy] "3...2...1...."

>"Oh my" said Kasumi

{SD-Frank}: "Some things never change...though she's wearing her hair down..and in pants...and probably wearing a nice blouse which fits around her and defines her lithe, well-shaped figure, and.."

>"Where is Ranma?"
"Most likely in the kitchen that's where he usually is."
Genma and Soun returned to their game of Go.

{SD-Frank}: "Really? I thought they were playing Othello that entire time..."

>Kasumi found Ranma, he was watching the oven as though any moment it was going to sprout wings and fly away.

[SD-Justy]: "Up...up...and away..."
{SD-Frank}: "Hey, flying ovens is a lot better to visualize than flying toilets..O_o *psst* why did they create that screensaver in the first place anyway..?"
[SD-Justy]: "To make dimwits ask questions."
{SD-Frank}: "Thanks...I think.."

>"Ranma are you O.K.?"
"Kasumi when did you get here?"
"Little while ago."
"How did you do it Kasumi? Everyday day in and day out cook, laundry, clean, cook, clean, and laundry.

[SD-Justy]: "1+2+2+1..."

> Never ending forever and ever."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Although before I got here I figured that it would be Akane I would be talking to not you. But considering the circumstances....."?
"Talk about what?"
"You have a decision to make. This isn't easy usually this is passed down from mother to daughter or sister to sister in our family, but you must agree that my sisters are not typical women."

{SD-Frank}: "Frankly, m'dear, I think _everything's_ non-typical in Ranma 1/2..."

>"What are you talking about, what decision?"

[SD-Justy]: *Tenchi mode* "What are you talking about, what King?"

>"Ranma you may not realize this but I could never be the so called perfect housewife homemaker that everyone regards me as without help."

{SD-Frank}:*playing that organ tune again* DUM-de-dum-Dum-DUMMM!

>Ranma looked confused so Kasumi continued.

{SD-Frank}: Hey, no dramatic gasp? And I tried so hard to learn that organ tune, just so I could hear the dramatic gasp...*sigh*"

>"Ranma it is impossible to be perfect all the time all women lose their temper, at times they burn some food and sometimes they even sweep dust under the rug or bed."

{SD-Frank}: "And sometimes they try to kill you, marry you, or smash you over the head, but that's not the point..."

>Ranma interrupted "But Kasumi you never did any of that"
"That's because of the help I mentioned that I inherited from Mother the help that I was going to give to Akane but she isn't suited, so it must go to you. I can't make you use it and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't after all it would most likely make you less of a martial artist but I want you to at least take it and give it to your and Akane's daughter someday."
"If your talking about some drug no way..."

{SD-Frank}: "If it's anything with the words "UltraVibe Pleasure 2000" I'm leaving...O_O But maybe I'm being too ecchi..."
[SD-Justy]: "Hey, you bought one for your girlfriend, too?"
{SD-Frank}: *flicks a Sour Patch Kid at SD-Justy* "Shhhhh!"

>"Don't be dumb of course not!

[SD-Justy]: "Yah, Kasumi don't take non a dat!"
{SD-Frank}: "Yo yo, and she be puttin' a cap in yo' ass if she did!"

>What I'm talking about is this." Kasumi pulled out a hair clasp. The one that Ranma had always seen Kasumi wear until today. He just looked confused until Kasumi said,"It's enchanted, it makes its wearer enjoy being a housewife and mother." At that point Ranma's face said Yeah Right tell me another.
"Is it any easier to believe in a reversal jewel from China?"

{SD-Frank}: "Or the magic mushrooms? Or the Jusenkyo Springs? Or the existence of a sex-changing guy/girl.."

>Kasumi laid it beside Ranma and told him."I have to go but be careful once you put it on it changes your perceptions and it is hard to take off."

[SD-Justy]: Just kinda like the "UltraVibe Pleasure 2000"
{SD-Frank}: "Ixnay on the ibratorvay...^_^"

>Ranma looked at it for a long time before putting it up with his other personal items in his room.

Chapter 2

>A few more weeks went by and Ranma couldn't take it anymore he just couldn't.

{SD-Frank}: "He couldn't, nope, just couldn't do anything there, couldn't do anything here, couldn't.."

>He decided enough was enough he gathered everyone around and annouced it was time for someone else to inherit Kasumi's spot. No one relented. No one volunteered. No one agreed. They liked things the way they were. So Ranma went on strike.

[SD-Justy]: "Hey, did Akane move out or something?"

>It is amazing how quickly a house can become a horrid mess. Within days the house was in such a mess you could not walk through it without stepping on something. And the less said about the kitchen the better the fungus and molds were becoming sentient.

[SD-Justy]: "Why couldn't they just hire the mold?"
{SD-Frank}: "Seems like _everything_ gets sentient in this story.."

>Around this time Ryoga reappeared. It didn't take long for him to get the story and go after Ranma blaming everything on him. He finally calmed down and changed into P-chan to "comfort" Akane.

{SD-Frank}: "I'm not going there."
[SD-Justy]: "Well I suppose its better than "servicing" Akane."
{SD-Frank}: "Fan service? O_o"

>"Ranma my boy reconsider. You're the only one capable of taking care of the house."
"Why Pop? Why me? Besides aren't you afraid I'll become girlish eventually?"
"Not at this point at this point I just want things back to the way they were a week ago."
"Don't you care how I feel?"
"Of course. And by the way you already sound like a girl just saying that so why should I care anymore about you becoming girlish.I already failed on that count."

{SD-Frank}: "Next on Jerry Springer...Sex-changing Girlish Martial Artists, and the Fathers who love their cooking..."
[SD-Justy]: "Hey, don't give him any ideas."

>Ranma huffed out of the room.

{SD-Frank}: "He huffed and he puffed and he blew the-"
[SD-Justy]: "Sho lot a hustlin and huffing goin on down there."

>That Idiot, don't he understand what he is doing to me, don't he care...

To "Would You Like Some Tea", SDGP version, pt. 2
Back to the Ranma 1/2 Library Fanfic Archive